Thursday March 10th, 2022
This was a fun one! Throughout my life, I’ve often thought that I never quite fit in anywhere. I eventually realized that this perfectly normal, and is probably a commonly felt experience.
I expand on this thought in the full post below.
Growing up, I was often surrounded by opinions about “who” I was based upon my external physical characteristics. It was interesting to me, because I always had acute awareness of what I was – born in New York, female, Asian, American.
But I never found myself “feeling like a girl,” for example. On the contrary, I was often told I was not a “proper girl,” and remember often being labeled a “tomboy.” Similarly, because my upbringing was western and Americanized, I grew up feeling a disconnect with my ancestry. I grew up in New York state in a predominantly non-Asian community, and I know neither Cantonese nor Mandarin (which I did not care about as a kid, but now I wish I had learned!). I grew up both feeling and externally being told I was not “Chinese” enough, or not “Hong Kong” enough, even though I am objectively part of these classifications.
I just felt like me, however that is defined.
Now that I am older, I realize these notions I was inundated with, such as “what a girl should be” or “how Asians are,” are needlessly limiting. Because I grew up not having a strong connection to either “identity,” I never strongly connected with either the positive or negative opinions and stereotypes for either. Certain notions, such as “girl power” or “Azn pride,” felt wholly alien to me.
They still do.
In both instances, I never saw the reasoning in taking “pride” over physical characteristics I had no control over, because neither was something I “chose” to be.
These constitute “what” I am – which have their relevance depending on the circumstances – but they do not tell the whole story of “who” I am.
I instead found myself connecting more with my choices – mostly with my interests and hobbies. I found myself loving drawing, and because of this, I connected more with the “identity” of a “painter” or “illustrator.” I had similar experiences with interests such as music, video games, cooking, and learning (or curiosity) – to name only a few.
This was the inspiration for the comic you (presumably) read above.
My experience might differ from yours
Here I must emphasize I am reflecting only of my own experiences – you are on my website, after all! – and in no way do I speak for the experiences of anyone else.
If you relate to anything I have written, wonderful! If you do not, you remain perfectly legitimate.
Everyone has their own story to tell. I hope you will tell yours.
This is simply a small portion of mine.
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